So, where did my passion for helping others come from?
Well, research has shown that around 80% of us in the helping professions are wounded healers. And I am part of that 80%.
Wounded healers are persons who have experienced the same issues as those they are helping. The knowledge gained through these experiences builds empathy and understanding, which aids said person in connecting with and helping others.
So, I guess you’re wondering what those experiences might have been.
Well, I was raised in a culture in which the boys/men felt a need to be tough. And weaknesses were generally ridiculed, or taken advantage of. This was a difficult experience for me, as I have never had, nor wished to possess, a tough guy persona.
This led to some psychological, and occasionally violent, abuse, from those possessing the tough guy persona. As well as many other damaging experiences that I won’t go into here. But this also led to some of the boys coming to me to talk about their issues, as they knew that I was approachable. So, from a young age I was actively listening, and, where possible, helping others.
But at this young age I rarely had the opportunity to talk about my issues. And this led to me suffering with depression and anxiety for twenty years before I received the help that I needed. I did have a couple of counselling sessions in my early twenties. And I don’t know whether I was afraid to fully open up due to the culture I was raised in, or the therapist just wasn’t right for me. But either way, these sessions did not result in me learning to manage my emotions any better. So, I went on suffering.
However, at the age of thirty-five, I decided to go to university. And taking on such a task made me realise that I needed to get some help, if attaining a degree were to even seem possible. So, that’s what I did. I was a little sceptical going into it after my previous experience. However, this time I was ready to fully engage.
So, I entered each session ready to fully commit, and keen to see what therapy could do for me. And this time I really connected with the therapist, and the result was incredible. But I still had work to do on myself, utilising what I’d learnt through therapy. And bit by bit I continued to improve my state of mind. Then, fourteen months later, I awoke without a depressive thought. This freaked me out at first, as I could barely remember the last time that this had happened. But now I’m so glad I chose therapy.
It was this experience, and the awareness of how many other people struggle due to the same kind of experiences I had when I was younger, that made me decide to continue studying after attaining my degree, and become the counsellor that I am today.
Craig Connell.
Counsellor at MIND and Craig James Counselling.